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We've moved!!! Our new address is http://grandparentingmatters.com
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Sunday, August 31, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Granny-Mom and Poppa's magical powers
We know that grandparents are the ones that create the silly wonderful hullabaloo, , warm embraces, authentic aroma of freshly baked fare in the kitchen, gentle warm hugs along with the amusing tickles that bring the laughter of the young and the old combined. All of these alluring contacts launch the status of a grandparent way higher than a kite can fly.
To the child, your simple lines and loss of collagen give them evidence of your loving and caring self. For them it’s about your corresponding behavior that matches their silliness along with the deafening piercing shrills that cause their parents to say, “see you next week.” But before the next week arrives, mom or dad, and the kids bug granny to come and make dinner as they recall the the bouquet of scents from the kitchen that was delectably old fashioned and unlike anything that mom makes. Yum! That’s the job of an old fashioned granny. The modern grandparent skips the “freshly baked,” but definitely creates trails of sweet smells from mixes. You see, singing outlandish songs,baking, painting, and getting downright dirty and in the mud with the child,that’s the grandparent's job.
And ask a grandparent, what it’s like to be one? In most cases it is an unequivocal,”Amazing..” I wish I had been a grandparent before I became a parent. I would have gotten many more mother’s day presents.
Do grandparents who raise their grandchild, have as much fun as their counterpart grandparent?. The one that gets to play, eat and run! You bet they do! The dual role can create an opportunity for the child to play, eat and stay, and then you realize how much you missed with your own family. You are surprised at how good you are at being loving, and yet able to set rules without being frenetic. You learn how to create a boundary that defines your role, and provides a deep sense of security and confidence in your authority and love. As you continue to get challenged, you need to maintain a sense of humor. You'll need it. And it's important to explain things to the child on their age level. And do not give more information than they need.
If the child maintains healthy contact and visitation with the parents, create opportunities that are fun. Make sure you follow up with the child, especially the young ones to see how they deal with the separation. This is a bit like a joint custody. Do whatever is in the best interest of the child. Not yours. And not your own adult child's. Just make sure the child you are entrusted with has your full attention.
In our situation, when mom or dad are involved, it is a beautiful time for all. It gets testy, when either say good-bye. So we read lots, and lots, and talk a great deal of how everyone says "Hi and good-bye." We make up many many songs. Tears still flow. No one ever replaces one another. You learn how to live the great moment with the family. Building great coping skills for the child helps create memories that are healthy...so phrasing like "this is a great moment," teaches living in the present.
What's a granny- mom or poppa 's role? How does one make the transition from a crisis situation as easy as possible for an infant through the toddler stage in order to promote the emotional health of the child?
The relationship with your grandchild ranges from lots of cuddles to managing the porcupine needles from some effects of the past.
One thing, for sure, you need to be on top of things, every minute.
Being on top of things every minute:A child's moods shift on a continual basis. Hug, talk, read, play classical music and go for walks.
Second thing, you need to create a separate life from the child.
Creating a life, separate and a part of your children, and grandchildren is a necessary part of healthy parenting as well as a grandparenting role. And it doesn't have to be expensive. Create a time for yourselves, that is just quiet time. If babysitters are a problem, share play date friends and exchange baby sitting time for credits toward extra free hours. Plan ahead with your spouse.That's part of the fun. And create meaningful activities at least once a month and if you can, try more.
My husband and I love to play board games, go to Starbucks, walk around the pier or the ocean, and we do love a good movie. (There haven't been a lot of them around and they can be expensive.) And don't forget those wonderful words that are so” inexpensive.."I love you, I care about you, and I need you." That makes you want to be with each so much more.
Time is short. The time you have to raise your children, and be with your spouse is a gift. So absolutely live IN the present or you won’t notice the gift you have. Make the time and don’t look back. Without a doubt, you will create a wonderful balance as well as having an important effect on your new family.
Being granny-parents can on pose a challenge . Through the child's lens it can pose a conflict of interest. But what I have found, is with patience, time, and a good memory that most children grow up in spite of all you do. Grandparents who are in a normal role of grandparenting can be one step removed . If you are the lucky one to visit your family, be with the kiddos for several hours, and if you favor not butting in to their life, you can play and go home. Relax, now it's your time. It is a delicious experience.
So no matter which role you are in, ENJOY! If becoming a grandparent is a choice, I suggest that you make it number one on the hit list! If you are a first time parent, talk to your parents about their love for you and their grandchild. That always makes a grand slam home-run.
I
To the child, your simple lines and loss of collagen give them evidence of your loving and caring self. For them it’s about your corresponding behavior that matches their silliness along with the deafening piercing shrills that cause their parents to say, “see you next week.” But before the next week arrives, mom or dad, and the kids bug granny to come and make dinner as they recall the the bouquet of scents from the kitchen that was delectably old fashioned and unlike anything that mom makes. Yum! That’s the job of an old fashioned granny. The modern grandparent skips the “freshly baked,” but definitely creates trails of sweet smells from mixes. You see, singing outlandish songs,baking, painting, and getting downright dirty and in the mud with the child,that’s the grandparent's job.
And ask a grandparent, what it’s like to be one? In most cases it is an unequivocal,”Amazing..” I wish I had been a grandparent before I became a parent. I would have gotten many more mother’s day presents.
Do grandparents who raise their grandchild, have as much fun as their counterpart grandparent?. The one that gets to play, eat and run! You bet they do! The dual role can create an opportunity for the child to play, eat and stay, and then you realize how much you missed with your own family. You are surprised at how good you are at being loving, and yet able to set rules without being frenetic. You learn how to create a boundary that defines your role, and provides a deep sense of security and confidence in your authority and love. As you continue to get challenged, you need to maintain a sense of humor. You'll need it. And it's important to explain things to the child on their age level. And do not give more information than they need.
If the child maintains healthy contact and visitation with the parents, create opportunities that are fun. Make sure you follow up with the child, especially the young ones to see how they deal with the separation. This is a bit like a joint custody. Do whatever is in the best interest of the child. Not yours. And not your own adult child's. Just make sure the child you are entrusted with has your full attention.
In our situation, when mom or dad are involved, it is a beautiful time for all. It gets testy, when either say good-bye. So we read lots, and lots, and talk a great deal of how everyone says "Hi and good-bye." We make up many many songs. Tears still flow. No one ever replaces one another. You learn how to live the great moment with the family. Building great coping skills for the child helps create memories that are healthy...so phrasing like "this is a great moment," teaches living in the present.
What's a granny- mom or poppa 's role? How does one make the transition from a crisis situation as easy as possible for an infant through the toddler stage in order to promote the emotional health of the child?
The relationship with your grandchild ranges from lots of cuddles to managing the porcupine needles from some effects of the past.
One thing, for sure, you need to be on top of things, every minute.
Being on top of things every minute:A child's moods shift on a continual basis. Hug, talk, read, play classical music and go for walks.
Second thing, you need to create a separate life from the child.
Creating a life, separate and a part of your children, and grandchildren is a necessary part of healthy parenting as well as a grandparenting role. And it doesn't have to be expensive. Create a time for yourselves, that is just quiet time. If babysitters are a problem, share play date friends and exchange baby sitting time for credits toward extra free hours. Plan ahead with your spouse.That's part of the fun. And create meaningful activities at least once a month and if you can, try more.
My husband and I love to play board games, go to Starbucks, walk around the pier or the ocean, and we do love a good movie. (There haven't been a lot of them around and they can be expensive.) And don't forget those wonderful words that are so” inexpensive.."I love you, I care about you, and I need you." That makes you want to be with each so much more.
Time is short. The time you have to raise your children, and be with your spouse is a gift. So absolutely live IN the present or you won’t notice the gift you have. Make the time and don’t look back. Without a doubt, you will create a wonderful balance as well as having an important effect on your new family.
Being granny-parents can on pose a challenge . Through the child's lens it can pose a conflict of interest. But what I have found, is with patience, time, and a good memory that most children grow up in spite of all you do. Grandparents who are in a normal role of grandparenting can be one step removed . If you are the lucky one to visit your family, be with the kiddos for several hours, and if you favor not butting in to their life, you can play and go home. Relax, now it's your time. It is a delicious experience.
So no matter which role you are in, ENJOY! If becoming a grandparent is a choice, I suggest that you make it number one on the hit list! If you are a first time parent, talk to your parents about their love for you and their grandchild. That always makes a grand slam home-run.
I
Sunday, August 3, 2008
What's in a word: OLD
I see the word old, and I downright don't like it! I look at the acronym and I say
O is for OOPS..
L is for too Late
D is for the expletive I can't write, so I'll just say it's not ducky!
All right! So what category do I fit in? I look in the mirror, and I see a few lines, not too many, a couple spaces between my teeth, a few more red spots, I guess those are genetic links to my mother, a tad more thin skin so when I bump myself everyone knows it, and a varicose veined leg which looks as if it has been pathetically tattooed. Now, on the other hand, the skin is smooth, the teeth are straight, I can walk fast enough to keep up with my four year old, use a personal trainer to keep my slightly rounded body in better shape, and my mind is free so far of the cobwebs. I know this looks as if I ‘m competing for a compliment,. Please……go right ahead.
Now, the words I use today more often is "save face", but that more correctly means, "please lord, no extra lines". I’m not looking for surgery.
'Give me a hand', probably has been more commonly used in my toddler’s ballet class when I bend down to tie her shoe. While they are all applauding her, someone is helping my somewhat overstuffed body from the floor. No more hands free.
'Giving lip service', is more about drawing a line around my lip to define it.
And 'standing up for myself' probably means someone has to help me assume a vertical position.
Age is a funny concept, I think. In some cultures, growing “old” is a sign of status, and is revered. Our culture treats it closely to the legal term considered to be an adult. As a matter of fact I looked up the word in the thesaurus and it states “condition of having lived many years. So now I know what is wrong with the baby boomers, we all have a condition…
Now the thing I am trying to figure about my condition, is it in the early, neophyte stages, or is it in the late stages. Is this aging condition permanent? By that, I mean, am I able to restore that state of being young. And the answer is a strong, “no’ and I’m not about to try.
What I have been able to do is to become enlightened through the gift of our grandchild. For a decade, I wondered what the passage to the next phase in life would look like. The picture was a different one which was painted in my imagination, of course. It included all the trips and material things that were collected and sorted out, and divided among family members. It included a review of all of our lives in the family as well…rehashed and rehashed. Don’t get me wrong, I loved going through pictures, ad nausea, but at some point, the life cycle is the reason I think we are on earth. The move from birth, life, death, and life again.
And that’s where our four year old reshaped our future expectation, and redefined "older" from those nasty synonyms for aged, elderly , mature, getting on and you’re not getting any younger any more!
Fancy that!
When you feel young at heart, but you don’t fall into young, or ancient, and you realize that you have responded to every crisis there is, from the energy crisis, to the recession, to the care of the elderly parent, to the care of your children’s children, you still perform all of the roles more than exemplary. I figure these are the real passages in life:
Stage one: Young /fresh
Stage two: Early inexperienced/novice, early bloom
Stage three: Middle/ heart
Stage four : Rolling/ middle that’s us! Still rolling with much experience, quite vital, and rejuvenated
Stage five: Blossoming veterans who will continue to bloom through generations to come.
At any one of these stages, where we chance stepping into the joy of granny mom… or pop, I think the traditional concept of aging defies itself. The child gives you a belly laugh, and you don’t even give a thought to big your belly is!
It’s just that that child knows how big your heart is.
O is for OOPS..
L is for too Late
D is for the expletive I can't write, so I'll just say it's not ducky!
All right! So what category do I fit in? I look in the mirror, and I see a few lines, not too many, a couple spaces between my teeth, a few more red spots, I guess those are genetic links to my mother, a tad more thin skin so when I bump myself everyone knows it, and a varicose veined leg which looks as if it has been pathetically tattooed. Now, on the other hand, the skin is smooth, the teeth are straight, I can walk fast enough to keep up with my four year old, use a personal trainer to keep my slightly rounded body in better shape, and my mind is free so far of the cobwebs. I know this looks as if I ‘m competing for a compliment,. Please……go right ahead.
Now, the words I use today more often is "save face", but that more correctly means, "please lord, no extra lines". I’m not looking for surgery.
'Give me a hand', probably has been more commonly used in my toddler’s ballet class when I bend down to tie her shoe. While they are all applauding her, someone is helping my somewhat overstuffed body from the floor. No more hands free.
'Giving lip service', is more about drawing a line around my lip to define it.
And 'standing up for myself' probably means someone has to help me assume a vertical position.
Age is a funny concept, I think. In some cultures, growing “old” is a sign of status, and is revered. Our culture treats it closely to the legal term considered to be an adult. As a matter of fact I looked up the word in the thesaurus and it states “condition of having lived many years. So now I know what is wrong with the baby boomers, we all have a condition…
Now the thing I am trying to figure about my condition, is it in the early, neophyte stages, or is it in the late stages. Is this aging condition permanent? By that, I mean, am I able to restore that state of being young. And the answer is a strong, “no’ and I’m not about to try.
What I have been able to do is to become enlightened through the gift of our grandchild. For a decade, I wondered what the passage to the next phase in life would look like. The picture was a different one which was painted in my imagination, of course. It included all the trips and material things that were collected and sorted out, and divided among family members. It included a review of all of our lives in the family as well…rehashed and rehashed. Don’t get me wrong, I loved going through pictures, ad nausea, but at some point, the life cycle is the reason I think we are on earth. The move from birth, life, death, and life again.
And that’s where our four year old reshaped our future expectation, and redefined "older" from those nasty synonyms for aged, elderly , mature, getting on and you’re not getting any younger any more!
Fancy that!
When you feel young at heart, but you don’t fall into young, or ancient, and you realize that you have responded to every crisis there is, from the energy crisis, to the recession, to the care of the elderly parent, to the care of your children’s children, you still perform all of the roles more than exemplary. I figure these are the real passages in life:
Stage one: Young /fresh
Stage two: Early inexperienced/novice, early bloom
Stage three: Middle/ heart
Stage four : Rolling/ middle that’s us! Still rolling with much experience, quite vital, and rejuvenated
Stage five: Blossoming veterans who will continue to bloom through generations to come.
At any one of these stages, where we chance stepping into the joy of granny mom… or pop, I think the traditional concept of aging defies itself. The child gives you a belly laugh, and you don’t even give a thought to big your belly is!
It’s just that that child knows how big your heart is.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Earthquake, Earth Shattering!
Last week there was a 5.8 earthquake, here in Orange County, California. Any time a disaster occurs, I suppose,, it is easy to pinpoint where you were at what time. I was stuffing my mouth with the remainder of the tuna fish salad that my granddaughter and I made for her lunch. I ignored the first thump, and continued to munch on the carrots.
The second jolt raised my ire, and I dismissed any thought of anything other than a sonic boom from an airplane that just flew too close to my house. That thought passed quickly once my housekeeper crashed our vacuum cleaner into the wall with a resounding thump and began speaking faster and addressing me more frenetically in Spanish rather than English. As I followed her racing thoughts to get my grandchild immediately, I could see her judgment was clear and balanced. Mine not so much . Now , I am still thinking that we have an airplane above my house that is creating the noise. So I have no idea why I have to pick up our little one. But when I saw the fear in her eyes, I bolted for the car. One more loud boom led me to believe there was some seismic activity.
Now I don't know about how any of you rate yourself on earthquake performance. But the earth IS NOT THE ONLY THING THAT SHAKES. I begin trembling But I have planned for this day since I moved here during the Northridge Earthquake about some fifteen years ago.
In usual fashion, the Welcome Wagon was not the first thing that greeted my husband and me into the state of California . Rather, the rattling and shaking of our beds was not consistent with the lull of soothing rocking motion. At first the deep sleep kept us in a dazed, comfy, surreal state. Then the fully conscious , alert and startled me awoke and started shaking.
The rock and sway and roar of the earthquake sent us soaring and tumbling, while the air rumbled with as strong a sound as a train rolling through our home. I can remember my husband yelling,"stand under the doorway. I couldn't find him. Where was he? Under a table??? Now I find out that the doorway is a good way to die! Good strategic performance for families under stress?????
Well time is a great healer . So we settled in almost as good as native Californians. We got over it, Life went on as usual, and our family had planned for future safety measures. The flashlights, water, cars filled up with clothes, all of the best intentions,but none of that happened. We did bolt our wall units, so that they didn't fall on us.
But there is a chill that goes through every part of your body, when you believe that your child is not safe. Your mind goes to places you have never traveled on your own. . A child out of sight for just the slightest moment; stranger danger; terrorism. If I thought about each of these things when my first family was growing up, I would have hid them in a closet. Fortunately, our mind can be retrained and allow us to live a normal life. It's the great adjustment. The normalization of the dramatic events that could occur are washed away so that our children can go to school, have play dates and go on as usual. And we all grow up hopefully to be only mildly neurotic.
Despite the fact that one has been a parent a million years ago, does not lessen the fright. The mind is a very creative , detailed, and strong at times.
The rude awakening of an earthquake with a child, is another kind of scare. They can be so far away, and what would I do. When it was just my husband and me, we only had each other to worry about. But now all rationale is out the door. Normal does not make it.
So I drove as fast as I can to the school, 20 miles away. There she was! Smiles!
The teachers prepared the children for what was going to be a normal life for our little girl. She adjusted well. And I stopped quaking, and realized I had a mom moment. A first time , second time and third time mom moment. After all I’m a granny-mom.
The second jolt raised my ire, and I dismissed any thought of anything other than a sonic boom from an airplane that just flew too close to my house. That thought passed quickly once my housekeeper crashed our vacuum cleaner into the wall with a resounding thump and began speaking faster and addressing me more frenetically in Spanish rather than English. As I followed her racing thoughts to get my grandchild immediately, I could see her judgment was clear and balanced. Mine not so much . Now , I am still thinking that we have an airplane above my house that is creating the noise. So I have no idea why I have to pick up our little one. But when I saw the fear in her eyes, I bolted for the car. One more loud boom led me to believe there was some seismic activity.
Now I don't know about how any of you rate yourself on earthquake performance. But the earth IS NOT THE ONLY THING THAT SHAKES. I begin trembling But I have planned for this day since I moved here during the Northridge Earthquake about some fifteen years ago.
In usual fashion, the Welcome Wagon was not the first thing that greeted my husband and me into the state of California . Rather, the rattling and shaking of our beds was not consistent with the lull of soothing rocking motion. At first the deep sleep kept us in a dazed, comfy, surreal state. Then the fully conscious , alert and startled me awoke and started shaking.
The rock and sway and roar of the earthquake sent us soaring and tumbling, while the air rumbled with as strong a sound as a train rolling through our home. I can remember my husband yelling,"stand under the doorway. I couldn't find him. Where was he? Under a table??? Now I find out that the doorway is a good way to die! Good strategic performance for families under stress?????
Well time is a great healer . So we settled in almost as good as native Californians. We got over it, Life went on as usual, and our family had planned for future safety measures. The flashlights, water, cars filled up with clothes, all of the best intentions,but none of that happened. We did bolt our wall units, so that they didn't fall on us.
But there is a chill that goes through every part of your body, when you believe that your child is not safe. Your mind goes to places you have never traveled on your own. . A child out of sight for just the slightest moment; stranger danger; terrorism. If I thought about each of these things when my first family was growing up, I would have hid them in a closet. Fortunately, our mind can be retrained and allow us to live a normal life. It's the great adjustment. The normalization of the dramatic events that could occur are washed away so that our children can go to school, have play dates and go on as usual. And we all grow up hopefully to be only mildly neurotic.
Despite the fact that one has been a parent a million years ago, does not lessen the fright. The mind is a very creative , detailed, and strong at times.
The rude awakening of an earthquake with a child, is another kind of scare. They can be so far away, and what would I do. When it was just my husband and me, we only had each other to worry about. But now all rationale is out the door. Normal does not make it.
So I drove as fast as I can to the school, 20 miles away. There she was! Smiles!
The teachers prepared the children for what was going to be a normal life for our little girl. She adjusted well. And I stopped quaking, and realized I had a mom moment. A first time , second time and third time mom moment. After all I’m a granny-mom.
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