Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Granny-Mom and Poppa's magical powers

We know that grandparents are the ones that create the silly wonderful hullabaloo, , warm embraces, authentic aroma of freshly baked fare in the kitchen, gentle warm hugs along with the amusing tickles that bring the laughter of the young and the old combined. All of these alluring contacts launch the status of a grandparent way higher than a kite can fly.

To the child, your simple lines and loss of collagen give them evidence of your loving and caring self. For them it’s about your corresponding behavior that matches their silliness along with the deafening piercing shrills that cause their parents to say, “see you next week.” But before the next week arrives, mom or dad, and the kids bug granny to come and make dinner as they recall the the bouquet of scents from the kitchen that was delectably old fashioned and unlike anything that mom makes. Yum! That’s the job of an old fashioned granny. The modern grandparent skips the “freshly baked,” but definitely creates trails of sweet smells from mixes. You see, singing outlandish songs,baking, painting, and getting downright dirty and in the mud with the child,that’s the grandparent's job.


And ask a grandparent, what it’s like to be one? In most cases it is an unequivocal,”Amazing..” I wish I had been a grandparent before I became a parent. I would have gotten many more mother’s day presents.


Do grandparents who raise their grandchild, have as much fun as their counterpart grandparent?. The one that gets to play, eat and run! You bet they do! The dual role can create an opportunity for the child to play, eat and stay, and then you realize how much you missed with your own family. You are surprised at how good you are at being loving, and yet able to set rules without being frenetic. You learn how to create a boundary that defines your role, and provides a deep sense of security and confidence in your authority and love. As you continue to get challenged, you need to maintain a sense of humor. You'll need it. And it's important to explain things to the child on their age level. And do not give more information than they need.

If the child maintains healthy contact and visitation with the parents, create opportunities that are fun. Make sure you follow up with the child, especially the young ones to see how they deal with the separation. This is a bit like a joint custody. Do whatever is in the best interest of the child. Not yours. And not your own adult child's. Just make sure the child you are entrusted with has your full attention.

In our situation, when mom or dad are involved, it is a beautiful time for all. It gets testy, when either say good-bye. So we read lots, and lots, and talk a great deal of how everyone says "Hi and good-bye." We make up many many songs. Tears still flow. No one ever replaces one another. You learn how to live the great moment with the family. Building great coping skills for the child helps create memories that are healthy...so phrasing like "this is a great moment," teaches living in the present.

What's a granny- mom or poppa 's role? How does one make the transition from a crisis situation as easy as possible for an infant through the toddler stage in order to promote the emotional health of the child?
The relationship with your grandchild ranges from lots of cuddles to managing the porcupine needles from some effects of the past.

One thing, for sure, you need to be on top of things, every minute.
Being on top of things every minute:A child's moods shift on a continual basis. Hug, talk, read, play classical music and go for walks.

Second thing, you need to create a separate life from the child.

Creating a life, separate and a part of your children, and grandchildren is a necessary part of healthy parenting as well as a grandparenting role. And it doesn't have to be expensive. Create a time for yourselves, that is just quiet time. If babysitters are a problem, share play date friends and exchange baby sitting time for credits toward extra free hours. Plan ahead with your spouse.That's part of the fun. And create meaningful activities at least once a month and if you can, try more.

My husband and I love to play board games, go to Starbucks, walk around the pier or the ocean, and we do love a good movie. (There haven't been a lot of them around and they can be expensive.) And don't forget those wonderful words that are so” inexpensive.."I love you, I care about you, and I need you." That makes you want to be with each so much more.


Time is short. The time you have to raise your children, and be with your spouse is a gift. So absolutely live IN the present or you won’t notice the gift you have. Make the time and don’t look back. Without a doubt, you will create a wonderful balance as well as having an important effect on your new family.


Being granny-parents can on pose a challenge . Through the child's lens it can pose a conflict of interest. But what I have found, is with patience, time, and a good memory that most children grow up in spite of all you do. Grandparents who are in a normal role of grandparenting can be one step removed . If you are the lucky one to visit your family, be with the kiddos for several hours, and if you favor not butting in to their life, you can play and go home. Relax, now it's your time. It is a delicious experience.


So no matter which role you are in, ENJOY! If becoming a grandparent is a choice, I suggest that you make it number one on the hit list! If you are a first time parent, talk to your parents about their love for you and their grandchild. That always makes a grand slam home-run.




















I

No comments: