material possessions

So I was driving our granddaughter to her day camp, and I'm thinking, that she is almost four years old. I am already planning her confirmation from school at the same time wondering if she is going to finish her breakfast.

I'm having a De je vous moment. Daydreaming, while driving, about all people, Barbra Streisand. popped into my head. And I'm wondering, what mindset once prompted her to change her life's point of view and sell her material possessions.

Two years ago, my best friend in the whole word, and closest confident died. She was a beautiful, wise, and clever lady. She was my mother. We did just about everything together. The last few years of her life brought both joy and sadness to my own existence. I imagined what life would be without her, and I could hardly breathe. And the actual moment of her death released an odd sense of relief, as well as an existential point of view.

The joy I felt when she was alive, melted into pensive moments. I looked around my home which I once regarded with so much pride. There were pictures of my entire family. Most of them were now deceased. Instead of feeling gratified, it felt bizarre displaying dead people on my wall.

When my mother was alive, she so enjoyed buying me something special for the home. As she was getting closer to the sunset of her life, she was more urgent about the purchases. I held each item she purchased as a crypt. I wanted to embalm everything she touched in order to have her around.

You know how it is when you think you are about to lose someone or something. You just want to hang on to "it" a little bit longer...When you finally come to the realization it's gone, something changes inside you forever.


Now,if you've been following my blog, you know how much I love to shop. Some of my nearest and dearest have even accused me of being short of thrifty, and at times, overly zealous about my shopping. They also try to be helpful especially to my husband by suggesting that perhaps I don't need the "thing." What, are you kidding, I mock. Need is not in the vocabulary.

Also,those who know me also know that I am directionally challenged. However, I never get lost in a store. I'm not saying I'm proud of this discovery. But I am willing to fess up to the fact that it has kept me busy as well as kept my friends amused.

To the point of needing material things requires, touching, feeling, connecting,and designing some self portrait during my life. Perhaps an artistic expression as well. Though an expensive pastime, it became a huge expression of being "me." I keep trying to tell you I'm not that shallow. But who knows when they are either at the shallow end or the deep end. Sometimes, you just go in the water and float. I'm a floater, I guess.

I watched my granddaughter floating. She's' just about that four year old age. When I was four, I think I was still in a crib. She, however, is on her back with a perfect back stroke, goal oriented, and keeping her head way above the water. She can look ahead to the side and has a good sense of what's behind, but follows a path.

Once I became a grandmother and an orphan at the same time, I thought this was such an oxymoron. For being a grandmother, seemed to imply that you were wise. The orphan part seemed ridiculous. I'm old enough to understand that life goes on. But what I hadn't realize, is that I no longer required the material to sustain my connection.

Yes, I look and touch and feel the lovey things that were special in the family. OOh that's nice. I even view an occasional picture with a smile or a tear.

What I remember are the sounds, the laughter, the words of wisdom.


Grandchildren are the cherished keepsakes. After all, they are the ones that will be regenerating our society.What we feed them, teach them, model for them, applaud them, will eventually help them to create a future that has value.

I have one grandchild I am raising. And another Grandchild who is being raised by a single mom. Each child, is self sufficient and strong. Each child, has created a place in my heart and in the heart of their parents. We don't get to possess these beings. We just need to raise them to matter.