Peace of Mind

Peace of Mind

There are all kinds of rewards for keeping peace in the family. For example, you can avoid ill treated comments that set you into eternal family feuds.


What happens when you stake out peace for peace itself? Usually one can predict the calm before the storm. Some of the common symptoms of makeshift peace are:


Heart burn.
You get a brow that requires botox at my age after perpetual frowning,
You get speech that echoes some scorching words underneath your breath.
You get the other person saying.” what did you say?"

All of this in the name of "peace at all costs." And it cost plenty!


Well the reason I’m writing on this day is to pause for reflection on family matters. I was thinking that no matter how old I am, and I am ancient, after all I’m a grandmother, I still hold the medal on Peace maker of the family ties.

Until one frantic call to action a couple of years ago..

“Please pick up our little girl. You have twelve hours or she goes into the foster care system."

No time to ask questions. My husband and I jumped into the car. We were on a fast run to Las Vegas in hopes we did not miss the deadline. We made it to pick up our little grandchild, just a year and half at the time. She looked at us with that angelic face, which has a look of wisdom beyond her years. Her soulful eyes looked up as she threw her delicate arms around my neck and whispered, ‘Nana, am I going home, now?”

Fingerprinted, questioned, and then briefed, we were told that we would probably be raising our son’s child. We did not question our call to duty.

We assumed that our son and daughter in law arranged for our custody requests as a joint decision. But that was not the case. Our son battled custody issues till blue in the face. Unwilling to admit that he and his wife were incapable of caring for their child, the couple pursued a couple of court battles that raised our eyebrows .


At my age, I wasn't thinking custody. At my age, I didn't think beyond ,"can I make it up the stairs? At my age, I wasn't thinking babies, diapers, camp, . At my age I wondered if I would be fit for those beautiful teen years of a girl. But age shrunk to size. I may have been older, but that tiny tot trumped any ideas we had about age.

Keeping peace and peace of mind, were difficult. Halting a battle with your own child when they are young, is one siege. But going to battle when they are adults is quite another. Reality is each one’s personal perspective. And each person in the family had a different reality. My husband and I shared much of the united reality which was to step up to the plate and not worry about the peace in the family.


Keeping peace would have wounded our grandchild. Getting up close and personal to make sure that the young child could have a voice was being responsible. Hoping that the future held a brighter tomorrow for the parents was a possiblity, but not a promise.

So keeping peace was not an option.Speaking up for our child who could not, is so important. Children need a voice. A voice of reason when their parents cannot. Teaching the model of protection, dependability, trust, and conflict, are sooooo important. No one wants to be called a bad parent. But the truth is, sometimes they are. Not everyone has the understanding or capability on becoming one either.

Here is the dilemma: how does one step in to protect your little ones.


Recently, I sat with an adult child of the foster care system. She observed our grandchild and us. Curiously, she asked, how this came about. Without compunction, I shared some details.

Eyes wide open, her chin dropped to the floor, and she stated, “I wish my grandmother and grandfather had rescued me from the clutches of the system. The nights were long, , the stories I made up for myself were plentiful. It’s good you didn’t keep the peace."

As I looked at this incredible human being with whom we now bonded, I recognized a wisdom that she was blessed. Peace at all costs, is a piece of self lost.

I shutter to think if I talked peacefully to my kids and their family, that the child we are raising would have the same opportunities.

If you utter a promise , make sure you don’t mutter under your breath any regrets. Age is no factor in assuming what’s right for family ties.

There are all kinds of families…Grandparents having to extend their parenting skills, is a new kind of phenomena.

Here is making peace with a piece of family...our granddaughter. She shall have the peace within.


Look for further articles on providing true peace within your new family.